Darkstalker90

Review: Sprung - The Dating Game (DS)

2012-01-25T10:32:00.000-08:00

Year Released: 2004
Format Reviewed: DS
Also For: N/A
Developer: Guillemot Inc.
Publisher: Ubisoft
Related Games: Miami Nights: Singles in the City (DS)

Note: This is another updated review that was previously posted a while ago. Aplologies for the awful choice of game but I needed something to beat up! The next review WILL be brand-new though.

Attractive women are one of life’s finest fruits. Dating said women is even better. If for some insane reason you chose to use Sprung as a reference before courting that special lady, you’d probably avoid it all out of sheer horror and instead live as a solitary hermit atop a cold and lonely mountain. Yes, Sprung: The Dating Game on the DS really is that bad.

What I initially hoped might be a misunderstood oddity turned out to be a broken mess of an experience with the ability to quickly infuriate and ignite a sudden urge to drive the stylus through the touch screen in white-hot rage. The basic premise of Sprung is that a group of college kids head to a mountain ski resort for a vacation and (probably) a healthy quota of random sex. What this means for you (you lucky thing) is guiding your character through each chapter by clicking on lines of text over and over and over until either successfully advancing to the next chapter or dying of boredom.

Must...resist...making a smutty gag here...

You might expect some mini games or at least an interesting way of using the touch screen (keep those dirty thoughts to yourself) but no, Sprung really is nothing more than clicking on lines of text. This could have existed on the GBA or PC even but for Sprung to appear amongst the launch line-up of an innovative new handheld is almost insulting.

Frustration begins the first time you select the wrong response to a NPC’s question or use the wrong item, instantly failing the chapter and having to restart all over. This happens again and again until you hate Sprung with a fierce passion. The bizarre and often nonsensical nature of the scenarios means that success is often found through gruelling trial-and-error or the assistance of an online walkthrough, by which point any and all interest in Sprung has ceased to be. Some of the longer chapters feature checkpoints which sound helpful but in some cases, making a mistake before a checkpoint can mean the correct text selections don’t appear after the checkpoint, resulting in a complete restart anyway. ‘Broken’ doesn’t even begin to describe this utter abortion of a checkpoint system. A better description would probably feature several expletives best left unrepeated here.

Well I don't think she loves you pal - soz.

The 2D visuals and animated characters are admittedly nice to look at though. The script too can be mildly entertaining (it was apparently penned by the writer of a US show called North Shore) despite the utter randomness of everything that happens on this ski resort vacation. You can also play as either gender so the lads can get an insight into the cryptic logic of girls by playing as one but it’s just not worth suffering the fetid cocktail of boredom, fury and confusion to see any of it.

Oh and the music is awful too. It’s that horrible stock music that doesn’t necessarily offend the ears but might as well not be playing anyway. Obviously the entire budget was spent on nailing that amazing gameplay…oh, wait.

To finally sum up Sprung: The Dating Game (at last…sheesh), Ubisoft’s dating sim (and the term is used extremely loosely) isn’t the worst DS launch title but that’s only because Ping Pals exists. Highly frustrating, duller than a particularly depressing episode of Eastenders and a completely redundant concept that doesn’t need to exist on the DS – that’s how to describe Sprung. Avoid like a steel toe-capped kick in the balls.

+ The 2D cartoon visuals are pretty nice.

- Frustrating and boring 'gameplay'.

- Terrible use of the DS' unique features.

- Broken checkpoint system from hell.

- Wildly unpredictable and annoying NPC characters.

Overall Score: 0.4/5

Darkstalker90 Says:"I can’t believe I paid actual money for this. Sure it was only five English pounds but I feel dirty for paying any more than five pence for this mess. Heck, I feel dirty by just adding more coverage of Sprung to the internet. Just stay well away from this game – that’s all I can say”.

Castlevania: Lament of Innocence Limited Edition

2012-01-16T13:22:00.000-08:00

Special thanks to 'Shinobi' of the Retro Gamer forums for selling this to me a while ago.

First up, it's probably wise to address a possibly confusing issue. Lament of Innocence is the first of two Castlevania games for the Playstation 2 but the game was renamed as just 'Castlevania' for us Westerners. Neat huh? Makes a whole lot of sense...

This limited edition version was only available in Japan and it's quite a nice set. Everything comes packaged in a large black box which features some lovely artwork on both sides. The front (above) has the main character of the game - Leon Belmont - while the back (below right) features Walter Bernhard with the ever-popular Succubus character.

The only thing that's missing from this set of mine is a paper slip that went around the case, the equivalent of a spine card if you will. Opening the case up, the first thing you see is a large print that showcases the exceptional talent of an already-familar Castlevania artist. The print is roughly A4 in size with a cardboard frame that gives it a few inches more in both directions. It comes protected in a (not pictured) paper sleeve held together with a seal.

The surface is textured like an oil painting.

Beneath the print, the game itself lies in a foam tray along with a soundtrack CD. The manual and cover art for the game were reversed for the PAL release so that the awesome artwork on the box was hidden away on the instructions in favour of a pretty poor image.

The music in Lament of Innocence is fantastic so the inclusion of an OST disc is really something special. The gothic, haunting and often menacing music is actually far better than the game itself which is a shame but at least the game isn't without its merits.

The inside. Loving that black foam.

Finally, there's a set of 2004 calendar cards all decorated with various pieces of artwork/characters from the game. These are really nice and I might scan them all in soon so that they can be viewed properly.

As already eluded to a few paragraphs up, I wasn't a big fan of Lament of Innocence. I had the PAL version and completed about a fifth of the game before I threw in the towel and sold it on ebay. It wasn't the worst 3D action game I have ever played but it didn't have much appeal either. The music was superb (as mentioned above) and the character design was nice but the all-important gameplay was lacking. Lament of Innocence ultimately feels like a poor man's Devil May Cry and suffers from tedious battles, boring environments and repetetiveness. It's also quite challenging too which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

The calendar cards. Stay tuned for scanned versions.

My advice would be to pick it up cheap and go in with low expectations. If you do like it then there's also a similarly-styled sequel on the PS2 subtitled Curse of Darkness. My main aim though was just to share this limited edition which is arguably much better than the game it surrounds.

Review: The Dukes of Hazzard Racing for Home (Playstation/PS1)

2012-01-06T08:23:00.000-08:00

Year Released: 2000
Format Reviewed: Playstation/PS1
Also For: Gameboy Colour, PC
Developer: Sinister Games
Publisher: SouthPeak Interactive
Related Games: The Dukes of Hazzard II: Daisy Dukes it Out (Playstation/PS1), The Dukes of Hazzard: Return of the General Lee (Playstation 2, Xbox)

Note: This is an updated version of the same review I wrote for the retrogamer.net website under another alias (gamefreak).

I'll be completely honest and admit that I've never watched The Dukes of Hazzard. If it's anything like this travesty of a Playstation game however, I won't be buying the DVD's or looking it up on Youtube anytime soon. Hopefully, this admission hasn't diminished this reviewer’s credibility too much but then again, I was able to look at this game without being blinded by love for the TV series and see it for what it is - a stinker. Seriously, we’ve reviewed some bad stuff here on Darkstalker90 but this one belongs at the bottom of a dirty barrel.

Unless you've already had the misfortune of playing Racing for Home, picture this: You're driving down the same brown/grey stretches of barren road again and again with nothing but the bland scenery and tedious, looping hillbilly/country tune to keep you company. Sometimes - as and when the 'missions' require it - you'll need to avoid the prattling redneck cop/bad guys and sometimes you'll have to chase/ram them but it's all the same; bland, repetitive and excruciatingly dull.

Wonky physics mean you'll see this a lot...

As I’ve already said, I’m no expert on the show but shouldn’t the driving be fun and filled with stunts? Car chases and pursuing criminals in general are two things that historically work extremely well in video games (take a look at Chase HQ and Driver for example) so there’s no excuse for this to be boring. Driving around collecting fuel drums to keep the General Lee rolling doesn’t exactly make for an entertaining experience.

As well as a complete lack of excitement, Racing for Home is also bereft of any challenge. You can complete most missions in a matter of minutes by holding the accelerator button down (until your thumb aches) and never needing to know where the brakes are located. The enemy/opponent AI makes your job even easier too thanks to rival vehicles crashing into walls at every opportunity, denying the laws of physics and rubber-banding like crazy.

Monster truck wheels or just inexplicable physics?

Glitches are rife too with such classics as enemy vehicles getting stuck in the scenery (making missions impossible to complete) and the occasional lock-up that requires a reset of the console. Playing Racing for Home is bad enough but making the suffering harder than it already is just feels like a bad joke, an insult even.

On the positive side, loading times aren't too bad, the cars handle slightly better than shopping trolleys and...that's it. Maybe I'm missing something by not having seen the TV show before but as a game, it's certainly no Driver.

Fans of the show might find something to like about The Dukes of Hazzard: Racing for Home and that’s why this game doesn’t get a complete 0 out of 5. Even the biggest Daisy Duke groupies would probably still be hard-pressed to deny that this game is utter toilet however. Avoid at all costs because this one truly is hazzardous (Ho ho...I know where the coat hooks are).

+ Might appeal to fans of the TV show.

- Bland, uninspired gameplay.

- No challenge whatsoever.

- Glitchy and really rough around the edges.

- Rubbish CPU AI.

Overall Score: 0.5/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "The only reason I ever played this game was because it was hand-down i.e. I didn't have to pay any actual money for it (credibility saved!) but I wish I had just turned it away because it's easily one of the worst games I have ever played. Anybody who knows my bizarre love for weird games (such as some of the crappy D3 Publisher stuff on PS2) will know that I have a high tolerance level for garbage but this just doesn't cut it. Despite not knowing anything about the show, I was still hoping for a decent driving game but Dukes of Hazzard: Racing for Home is not that game".

Game-related Energy Drinks

2012-01-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

I love energy drinks. Yes, many of them taste the same i.e. Red Bull clones with varying degrees of strength and there are plenty of disgusting (and strange) varieties out there but there's just something about them that I like. I'd probably rather swig a can of Monster Energy than a beer in all honesty but enough about my strange habits - this post needs to relate to games in some way after all.

Enter energy drinks based on popular video game franchises. There are countless versions of these things available and you'll usually have to import them from the US (because Europe really sucks when it comes to cool merchandise) but are they worth the effort?

Behold the greatness: generic energy drinks with different labels. Ooh, shiny!

First, just look at some the designs above. Even if they end up tasting like bog water, the very fact that you can chug a 'Dragon Punch' energy drink or the apparent antidote to Resident Evil's T-Virus means that these drinks should easily score a 6/5 here on Darkstalker90. The Street Fighter drink in particular gets extra credit for using some old school SFII art - that's the sort of thing I like to see.

If this blog falls into abandonment, this is what killed me.

We shouldn't forget that importing stuff costs quite a lot of money though so taste is crucial. I decided to start the testing with the Mario-themed 'Power Up' energy drink. As you can see from the photo on the left, the contents of the can are an alarming bright blue colour that could be mistaken for anti-freeze. It's certainly different to the typical urine-coloured energy drink but possibly just as visually off-putting in its own way.

Surprisingly it tastes okay. Possibly an acquired taste but the flavour also had a distinct fruity-ness to it which makes 'Power Up' different to many energy drinks.

Note: this is before it entered my body.

Sadly, the other two looked and tasted vaguely like a typical Red Bull knock-off - a shame since the cans themselves looked so cool. Both 'Dragon Punch' and 'T-Virus Antidote' were quite strong though with a sour edge to their flavours so you'll either love 'em or hate 'em.

In conclusion, I'd recommend giving the Mario drink a taste but the other two are probably better as part of collections (if you really must have everything Street Fighter or Resident Evil-related). Perhaps some of the other varieties out there have wild and wacky tastes but that's another story for 'Gaming-related Energy Drinks Part 2'...if I'm ever desperate enough to approve such an article that is!

Top Five...Grand Theft Auto vehicles

2011-12-23T05:33:00.000-08:00

As a huge follower of Rockstar's most famous series, I know just how personal the subject of favourite vehicles can be. Everybody has their own though I really hope nobody likes the Moonbeam...what a piece of horrible crap. Anyway, the vehicles themselves are all thinly disguised versions of real world vehicles and through the series, they have been updated and revised just like real cars. It's this aspect of Grand Theft Auto that helps create believable worlds and continuinity. What follows is my top five ways to get around either Liberty City, Vice City or San Andreas.

5. Firetruck (all GTA games)

The Firetruck has always been heaps of fun whichever GTA game it appears in. Immensely powerful and durable, hours of fun can be had by simply ramming cars off the road and watching them fly. The Firetruck was slightly more overpowered in Grand Theft Auto III and Vice City when cars would fly through the air and smash off buildings when hit but Rockstar toned things down for later installments in the series. As a bonus the Firetruck is also strangely fun to drift with, making corners a cinch to navigate if you have the skill.

4. Infernus (GTA III/Liberty City Stories)

The Infernus name is legendary in the world of Grand Theft Auto since the car it's attached to is nearly always the fastest vehicle in the game. Vice City's Infernus was a badly disguised Lamborghini Countach while GTA IV's was clearly based on Murcielago. I have no idea what San Andreas' Infernus was supposed to be (aside from the worst-looking version in the series) but my favourite is the Grand Theft Auto III/Liberty City Stories model. Nicely styled and with that 'extreme' look, this was one bad-ass supercar. The city streets of Liberty meant that Francis International airport's runway was the only real place to feel the car's top speed.

3. Sultan RS (GTA IV)

The Sultan was a brilliant Subaru Impreza-inspired car in San Andreas and Grand Theft Auto IV's Lexus IS lookalike continued the tradition of a fast saloon with perfect handling. Look in the tall weeds behind the garages on the third island's derelict mansion however and you'll find this tuned-up version, the Sultan RS. Fast enough to run with the big sports cars of the game and with brilliant handling, this is one of the best ways to drive the streets of Liberty City and also to win Brucie's races with.

2. Phoenix (GTA Vice City/Vice City Stories/San Andreas)

This 80's muscle car is one of my favourite cars in the entire series. In the two Vice City games, the Phoenix is in abundance and easily obtainable but in San Andreas, it's one of the rarest cars in the game. You won't find it in traffic however hard you look and it doesn't spawn anywhere on the map. The only way to get this awesome car is to enter one of the San Fiero races which gives you a Phoenix to race with, drive it into a garage and wait for the timer to reach zero so that you are disqualified from the race. You can try the race as many times as you like but this car will still be saved in your garage. A beautiful car with the performance to match.

1. Sabre Turbo (GTA Vice City/Vice City Stories)

Being a big fan of muscle cars from the 60's and 70's, I loved the Sabre in the Grand Theft Auto games. The Sabre Turbo is a faster, louder and meaner car that was so much fun to race around the streets of Vice City. This car was a Sunshine Auto's unlockable in Vice City but has a spawn location on a car park in Vice City Stories, making it readily available. The sequel also includes the 'Cholo Sabre', a bright green/yellow variation of the car owned by the Cholo gangsters. The Sabre Turbo didn't appear in San Andreas but thankfully pops up again in GTA IV in near-identical form as the 'Sabre GT' much to my pleasure.

Darkstalker90 Says: "There they are then, my top five. Maybe I'll do a countdown of the worst GTA vehicles one day. I know that my list will not agree with every fan so let me know: what are your favourite Grand Theft Auto vehicles? How do you like to cruise along Vice Beach or ride San Andreas' freeways?".

Review: The House of the Dead Overkill (Wii)

2011-12-23T04:46:00.000-08:00

Year Released: 2009
Format Reviewed: Wii
Also For: PS3 (HotD Overkill Extended Cut)
Developer: Headstrong Games
Publisher: Sega
Related Games: The House of the Dead (Arcade/Saturn), The House of the Dead 2&3 Return (Wii), The House of the Dead EX (Arcade)

It initially feels very odd to be playing a game as bloody, foul-mouthed and downright outrageous as The House of the Dead: Overkill on the Wii, a console synonymous with family fun, mini game compilations and software designed to help us fight the flab. The introductory sequence for example - an FMV video of a dancer swinging around her pole – is an instant indication that Overkill is not the game to boot up when the family next gather around Nintendo's little white box.

The introductory dancer clip is merely a prelude to the game’s constant barrage of no-holds-barred swearing, explosions of blood and gore and cut-scenes that could well leave you in a mild state of disbelief. Providing you have no objection to this utterly tasteless in-your-face content however, Overkill will have you grinning from ear to ear. The madness continues with an equally eyebrow-raising soundtrack featuring a charming, upbeat song about the necrophilia amongst others. Overkill simply doesn't hold back and you'll absolutely love it for its daring approach alone.

Ah, see? He's waving! Zombies aren't that unfriendly.

The previous HotD arcade games – like many movies – tried to broach the idea of a zombie outbreak as a serious subject, ultimately gaining popularity through the cheesiness of the end result. Shaun of the Dead poked fun at the clichéd zombie apocalypse theme to great effect and The House of the Dead: Overkill takes the same approach with its own tongue-in-cheek spin on blasting the undead. Developer Headstrong are packing humour as their weapon of choice while modelling the game on the trashy B-movies of yesteryear for a stylish romp that never loses its ‘cool’ factor.

The B-movie inspiration is ever-present thanks to the scratches and interference on the screen to mimic an ancient movie projector, an effect that really lends Overkill the 'rubbish movie' appearance while never becoming intrusive. Accordingly, each level is presented as a riff on a classic horror movie, complete with a 1950’s style poster that wouldn’t be out of place on the billboard of a drive-in theatre from the same time period. All the staples of a trashy horror flick are correct and present too: hideous mutations, a swamp monster and the obligatory infected hospital complete with worryingly sexy zombie nurses. All that’s really missing is a hungry blob monster or a rampaging 50ft woman in her lacy undercrackers but hey, there’s two ideas for a sequel.

Aren't hospitals supposed to make you better?

Of course, style over substance can be a bad thing but thankfully Overkill - despite being produced by a different developer to the 'main series' HotD games - retains the fast-paced, on-rails lightgun action of the arcade coin-guzzlers that made those games so much fun to play. The adrenaline rush from the arcade versions isn't as prominent in Overkill but the game is still immensely satisfying to play regardless; shots blow limbs away, heads explode in showers of crimson and the action rarely lets up with waves of often fast-moving enemies rushing towards you, intent on grisly murder. These guys don't mess around but handily, you can absorb nine hits before having to use one of an unlimited number of credits…at the cost of your score being slashed in half each time that is.

This is where the game stumbles slightly since having an infinite number of credits at your disposal means that the eight stages can be completed in a matter of hours. Fortunately, Headstrong have done as much as they can to extend Overkill's lifespan and keep the disc spinning away in your Wii's drive, starting with the in-game achievements. These achievements include clearing levels on a single credit or stockpiling a certain level of reward cash - to name two – and reward the player with concept art, music for the jukebox and secret video clips. Naturally, these challenges demand a hefty amount of replaying to fully clear and act as the main incentives for doing so.

"Hold still Sir, we'll have that bleeding head sorted in no time".

Of greater interest however is the Director's Cut mode, a beefed-up version of the story mode with longer levels and an increased enemy count sporting heightened aggression. In keeping with the upped ante, the Director's Cut grants just three credits per level so making it through in one piece is slightly harder. This elevated difficulty makes the Director's Cut the place to go for those craving a more testing experience but the challenge still pales noticeably compared with the past arcade versions - one of Overkill's weaknesses. For high-score chasers however, the Director's Cut - and its increased enemy numbers – is the best way to grab more points and take full advantage of Overkill's combo-based scoring system.

Points are awarded for each kill with bonus points for consecutive on-target kills. There are several tiers of combo (with a string of kills taking it to the next level) starting with 'Extreme Violence' and culminating with the charmingly-named 'Goregasm', a status that awards a 1000 extra points per mutant killed. Headshots predictably yield fatter points but naturally, the small target risks your bonus and creates a nice risk/reward element. The biggest satisfaction of this scoring system stems from making the Goregasm last as long as possible (cut the childish snickering at the back!) and racking up huge scores that you can strive to better through replaying the levels.

Deny zombies their dinner for extra points.

Unfortunately, Overkill doesn’t always set the high-score where polish is concerned. For starters, the reasonably impressive visuals are marred by graphical inconsistencies, occasional glitches and generally ropey areas that should really have been given more attention. The dodgy lip-synching could be considered an intentional effect to add to the crap movie theme but it’s unlikely that the random software errors that demand a system reset fall into the same debate. Then there are the occasional instances of slowdown and the targeting reticule failing to move smoothly, two issues that become particularly offensive since high-scores rely on well-placed shots. Consistently popping caps in the heads of zombies isn’t always easy when the on-screen reticule suddenly stutters without warning for example.

While irritating, it must be emphasised that these niggles shouldn’t put anybody off giving Overkill a try since it really is a case of the good outweighing the bad by a long way. The House of the Dead: Overkill is an excellent experience which proves that the lightgun genre still has a few bullets left in its clip yet. Gore-soaked, unashamed and a joy to play, it really is 'the hardcore you've been waiting for' as the pre-launch trailers were so keen to make clear. Just be aware that the F-bombs and blatantly offensive content probably isn’t a sensible substitute for Wii Sports next time Gran comes round.

+ The tongue-in-cheek B-movie approach works well...

+ ...combining with the OTT offensiveness for a unique experience.

+ Shots pack real impact.

- Slightly too easy for veteran HotD players.

- Some irritating glitches and slowdown at times.

Overall Score: 4.5/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "This is easily one of my favourite lightgun games. The gameplay might not be as satisfying as the previous HotD arcade releases but the unique style and what the developers got away with in terms of adult content and tasteless stuff is impressive. I really hope that there is a sequel at some point".

Old Reviews Resurrected

2011-12-15T09:41:00.000-08:00

No I haven't gone mad; I know I already reviewed Soul Calibur Broken Destiny a long time ago. I've just decided to update some of my older stuff that - lets face it - was a bit dull with no images and sometimes too long. Unfortunately, the older posts were created back when Blogger seemed to format stuff however the hell it wanted to rather than making posts appear as they did in the composition screen. I have no idea what that was about but it seems to have gone away recently. Anyway, that meant the original review was stuck with those problems and just wouldn't format properly so I decided to delete it and just re-do the whole thing.

The 'new' Broken Destiny review (which you should see below) has been slightly re-written (well, tweaked) and filled with pictorial aids to break up the blocks of waffling text.

In any case, some more of these resurrections will be on their way soon to bring the old stuff in line with how I currently lay reviews out. Look out for The House of the Dead Overkill on the Wii coming up next.

Review: Soul Calibur Broken Destiny (PSP)

2011-12-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

Year Released: 2009

Format Reviewed: PSP

Also For: N/A

Developer: Namco Bandai

Publisher: Namco Bandai

Related Games: Soul Calibur (Arcade/Dreamcast), Soul Calibur IV (Playstation 3/Xbox 360), Soul Calibur Legends (Wii)

The release of Soul Calibur Broken Destiny finally marks the portable debut of Namco's premier weapons-based fighter. Essentially, a slightly stripped-back Soul Calibur IV to fit in your pocket, Broken Destiny admittedly brings little in the way of change, opting to stick with the tried and tested gameplay that feels very familiar by now. Characters still play the same, victory animations/win quotes remain unchanged and breasts are still enormous albeit with noticeably less jiggle on the small screen. Apparently, Ivy still gets her outfits from the kinky dress-up section of an adult shop so nothing's changed there either.

While this lack of change has invited criticism from many (as was the case with Soul Calibur IV also), the small refinements made to the gameplay over the years have ensured that the experience remains slick, highly polished and always enjoyable. The aforementioned criticism isn't entirely unfounded but since this is the first handheld Soul Calibur, the re-tooling of 2008's PS3 and Xbox 360 game is slightly more forgivable. Besides, when Namco have managed to squeeze so much out of the PSP, it's hard not to be impressed.

The graphics are pretty sumptuous for the PSP as Sophitia demonstrates.

The first thing you'll notice is just how good the visuals are. From the short but amazing FMV opening sequence to the in-game graphics themselves, Broken Destiny looks lovely. Obviously, the game can't hope to compete with Soul Calibur IV in the eye-candy stakes but it certainly gives the PS2's Soul Calibur III a run for its money and even surpasses it in some respects. The characters are just as detailed, their animation is spot-on and Ivy's huge jugs lose none of their roundness. The stages are equally impressive as are the lighting and other small graphical touches. It's certainly some of the best visuals on Sony's handheld.

It plays flawlessly too, the action remaining fluid and fast-paced with no hint of slowdown or compromise. Loading times are also minimal in most areas which is another blessing though Broken Destiny can be installed directly to the memory stick to reduce them even further.

Kratos complete with God of War power-ups. Finally, a fitting guest character.

So what is new then? First and foremost, the controversial Star Wars characters are no more, with Kratos (of God of War fame) stepping in as the guest fighter. Kratos fits in with the other characters a thousand times more than Vader or Yoda could ever hope to - especially since the Alexandra sisters (Sophitia and Cassandra) share his Greek heritage – and it's almost as if he could have been part of the series from the very beginning. Kratos is combo-friendly, using his signature Blades of Chaos weapons for some deadly aerial chains and his God of War power-ups for some special moves.

The second newcomer is Soul Calibur's new weirdo and eccentric, Dampierre, a tall gangly man with a top hat, striped trousers and a handle-bar moustache. Dampierre brings a new (slightly comical) style to the series, fighting with hidden daggers. While he looks the idiot, Dampierre can be unpredictable and tricky to defeat if used properly.

Disappointingly, there are no unlockable characters but if you've grown bored of bad-ass Nightmare or Xianghua's almost non-existent shorts, the excellent character creator is still on hand so you can design your own. There are plenty of components available straight away with more to be unlocked by meeting various in-game requirements so feel free to go crazy. Or, if you like, send a female character into battle in just her knickers. It's up to you. There are a generous sixteen slots for custom characters so you can dream up many different designs and store them up for use in the game's various modes, speaking of which...

Dampierre takes Nightmare by surprise. Anybody got a 'hidden blade' joke?

...let's talk about them. Sadly, Namco haven't included a story mode or even a full-fledged arcade mode this time around, presumably because a portable game is more about 'quick-blasts' and short usage. While there is obvious logic to that decision, it's nevertheless disappointing, especially given that not everybody purposely owns a PSP for travelling purposes. What we're left with are three main modes; Quick Play, Trials and The Gauntlet. In Quick Play, you select a character then select your opponent from a list. Most opponents are game-generated custom characters, each with their own win/loss records that you can use to gauge their strength so there are some easy battles and some tougher match-ups that require skill and technique to overcome.

This is a good time to address another age-old Soul Calibur criticism. No, not the obscene size of Taki's breasts but button-mashing. Yes, it's easy for a newbie to hammer out some impressive-looking moves with no knowledge of the actual inputs but try employing those tactics in Broken Destiny and you'll come seriously unstuck. A thorough knowledge of effective attacks, guarding and the use of the Guard Impact are all required to stand a chance against some of the game's tougher CPU opponents. Button-mashing keeps the game accessible but against an opponent versed in SC’s intricacies, a button-masher will be ruined extremely quickly.

If you want to improve your game then The Gauntlet is your friend. This mode includes a zany story full of anime portraits, crazy humour and the like but it's not important. What's important is that each chapter forces the player to use certain techniques to defeat an enemy such as aerial manoeuvring, throw escapes, Guard Impacts or insert/guaranteed hit attacks. Admittedly, this means that The Gauntlet is simply a giant tutorial but if you wish to learn the useful techniques that largely go ignored in Soul Calibur then this is where you should head.

Boss character Algol: you will hate him.

Trials is split into three sections: Trial of Attack, Trial of Defence and Endless Trial. Each sees you facing off against a set number of opponents and aiming for a high score. Attack dishes out more points for being offensive while Defence issues juicer points for attacks made after guarding, rewarding your defensive skills. Endless Trial is essentially the classic Survival mode from past Soul Calibur's with points awarded based on overall fighting prowess in each battle. Overall, Broken Destiny’s final mode is a nice trio of score-chasers to test the player and their knowledge of the game’s combat.

Had there been more in-depth modes, Broken Destiny would have undoubtedly scored higher. It goes without saying however that fans of the series - or fighting games in general – should definitely give this a chance if only to see how well it translates to the small screen but even casual fans of the genre should find something to enjoy here. Portable Soul Calibur might have been incentive enough but the fact that it plays like a dream and looks almost as good Scarlett Johansen squeezed into the finest French lingerie should seal the deal.

+ Perfect realisation of the home console 'Caliburs.

+ Visually amazing.

+ The character creator is still crazily addictive.

+ Light on the loading times = a PSP triumph.

- Lack of modes damages the game's long-term appeal.

Overall Score: 4/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "I never imagined it would be this good. The lack of classic modes such as the arcade mode borders on unforgivable but the high quality of the overall game cushions the disappointment. A sequel with more of the familar modes would be hard to fault".

The King of Fighters XIII Deluxe Edition

2011-12-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

When Atlus announced that they were producing a special edition for The King of Fighters XIII in the US, I was pretty excited. Then I remembered that Atlus rarely leave the comfort zone of North America when it comes to publishing. In fact, I can't recall anything that they have published in Europe.

Enter Rising Star, one of the best publishers in Europe for making sure that we get our fix of special editions, obscure JRPG's and niche titles that most other publishers would be scared to touch due to the lack of guns, online fragging or a well-known sports licence. Just getting The King of Fighters XIII was good enough but Rising Star went one further and gave us this 'Deluxe Edition' which includes a soundtrack set (similar to its US counterpart) and a poster.

Reversible cover art plus the bonus art CD. Happy times.

Starting with the case itself, there's a reversible cover with some alternative cover art on the other side. The set also includes a bonus art CD. This disc includes concept artwork, wallpapers (some of which are from KOF XI for some bizarre reason) and the usual assortment of wacky fan art-styled stuff. More importantly, there's a video montage of combos to learn from or just gawp at while failing miserably to translate any of it your own game.

A poster of Mai or a handy moves-list? Hmm tough decision...

Next up, there's a double-sided poster tucked away behind the instruction manual. One side features the ever-lovely and well endowed Mai Shiranui while the reverse acts a quick reference guide for each character's basic special moves/supers. It's a nice addition to the set but the paper it's printed on feels very flimsy so be careful!

Can you recognise all of the music in this set?

Lastly, we move onto the soundtrack set. It's a four disc compilation in a cardboard case with no track listing at all which is a bummer. This means that you have to simply know where each piece of music is from. It's like some sort of super hardcore test of knowledge that only the KOF illuminati can pass. Joking aside, would it really have been such an inconvenience to include some sort of listing? I'm not going to complain about the cardboard case since a) I'm glad we even got this set in the first place and b) it costs the same as the regular edition but I will moan about the absence of a track listing.

I was okay with the first disc which includes such classics as Geese's KOF '96 theme and Wolfgang Krauser's epic orchestral score from the same game - as well as other memorable pieces from the early games - but as much as I love the series, even I paid no attention to the music from the later hit-and-miss games so I haven't a clue where they're from.

Overall, this is a nice set and also a nice surprise so thanks a lot to Rising Star for this release. As for the game itself? Absolutely brilliant. One of the best King of Fighters games in a long time that - for me at least - puts SNK back up there with the likes of Capcom and Arc System Works. Therefore, KOF XIII (and this set in particular) gets a big recommendation from Darkstalker90.

Hall of Fame: Kasumi (Dead or Alive series)

2011-12-01T14:21:00.000-08:00

It’s difficult to talk about any Dead or Alive girl without babbling non-stop about massive bouncing breasts but by the power of Greyskull we shall try our best. Kasumi doesn’t make it easy though because - like fellow fighting game babe Mai Shiranui from the King of Fighters series - the first thing you notice is the back-breaking bust threatening to spill out of her skimpy obi. Again, it raises the question: how do lady ninjas remain so agile with all this extra weight? Obviously we gamers don’t complain about this glaring flaw but it’s there. Perhaps DOA 5 will include unlockable versions of all the girls wearing sports bras so that tournament types can trade jiggle for increased speed?

Kasumi’s other defining feature is her bright flame-orange ginger hair which is an odd colour for a Japanese ninja but mad hair must run in the family what with her half sister Ayane and her bright purple ‘do’. Otherwise, Kasumi is a pretty basic, clean-cut design that does the job but also doesn’t really stand out too much which is a shame when ninja designs in general usually tend to be overly elaborate and finely detailed. Basically if there was ever a King of Fighters Vs Dead or Alive game, Kasumi could easily be a palette swap of the previously mentioned Mai.

Is this Darkstalker90 going all FHM?

Unlike Mai however, Kasumi has a far more interesting fighting style that fits Dead or Alive’s signature lightning fast combo-orientated combat like a glove. Easy for ‘button-mashers’ to jump straight into and satisfying for the dedicated to learn properly, Kasumi’s moves typically compromise of 3-5 hit combos with the flashiest involving leggy kicks and acrobatic flips. She also wouldn’t be a ninja without some particularly nasty-looking throws and neck-snapping holds so those are included in her repertoire too.

Kasumi with half-sister Ayane. These two just don't get on...

It’s also worth mentioning that Kasumi has appeared in every series instalment from the debut Dead or Alive game though to the modern day perv ‘em up Xtreme spin-offs in which Zack somehow manages to get even the coldest of the DOA girls frolicking in tiny bikinis and giggling like bimbos. The recent (and bloody good) Dead or Alive Dimensions for the 3DS took the series into 3D and brought proper fighting back at last however so Kasumi could finally get back to kicking heads in and dressing inappropriately for combat not the beach.

As you’d expect, Kasumi is a fan favourite so there’s all manner of creepy fan art, pervy figurines and lovely cosplayers across the internet to ‘research’ if that’s your thing.

Kasumi circa 1996.

To conclude, Kasumi is like most of the Dead or Alive girls: a decent if uninspired character that probably wouldn’t be nearly as memorable if it weren’t for her enormous breasts. Whether that’s a good or a bad thing is something you need to decide for yourself. She is arguably the most popular character in the series however and the most well-recognised so you could at least say that Kasumi is the face of DOA if nothing else.

Darkstalker90 Says: "Characters like Kasumi always present a dilemma. On one hand they're the result of cynical marketing to snare a male audience but on the other hand it's hard to care. I mean, if I have the choice between bouncy female ninjas and big brutish blokes in my fighting games then I know which way I'd lean. Admittedly Kasumi isn't a very exciting design but she is to Dead or Alive what Ryu is to Street Fighter and Kazuya Mishima to Tekken - a figurehead to immediately relate to that series. Ayane is still my favourite DOA babe though. Soz Kasumi".

Extended Play: Golden Axe Beast Rider (PS3)

2011-11-29T03:57:00.000-08:00

My first ‘Extended Play’ and I have to cover this game? Oh come on…sigh. If you read my review of Sega’s Golden Axe reboot then you’ll know that I didn’t really like it that much. If you didn’t then here’s a quick summary: Tyris Flare sells her body to an external development studio who go on to make a bland and largely broken linear hack-and-slash experience for our semi-naked Yurian heroine to stumble through. It’s a fairly pants revival of a popular arcade classic for sure so why am I going to talk about it again? Well, there were a few bits of interest that didn’t really fit into the review and that’s where Extended Play comes in you lucky things.

In the review I wrote that Beast Rider doesn’t cater to fans of the original games so I’ll start with answering that all-important question: “Who or what from the previous Golden Axe games is in this reboot?” Well, Gilius Thunderhead and Ax Battler both put in appearances though you’d never guess who they were thanks to the new makeovers that give Golden Axe’s leading men a brutal and grim Conan-like look. It fits the style of course but it won’t be what you were expecting. Disappointingly, neither are playable characters at any point in the game and are relegated to fleeting cameos in cutscenes. Boo, hiss etc. Still, who needs the guys when we have a chick with hardly any clothes on! A woman with an itty-bitty waist, big round ass and ample boobs who can still swing an enormous sword and kill things ten times her size…yeah it’s obvious what developer Secret Level were doing here.

Ax Battler: admittedly bad-ass looking.

Fans of continuinity need not apply here either since Beast Rider makes no effort to explain if these characters are the originals or descendants. Obviously it isn’t essential for a game like this to work but it would be nice for series fans to know where the latest game fits into the Golden Axe canon. After all, older entries such as Golden Axe III and the one-on-one fighter Golden Axe: The Duel chose to use descendants of previous playable characters instead of dragging Ax and Tyris out of the old folks home for every sequel.

Still, at least those little elf things are still around to murder for their supplies at paced intervals. It’s kind of sad to think that these guys are the only real indication that you’re playing a Golden Axe game. Beast Rider could have been any generic hack-and-slash game and the lead character a similarly generic busty female warrior running around in her knickers and probably avoided some of the scorn as a result. It would still have been a flawed cripple but because of the name on the box, we have to bring the scrutiny and angry words. Oh yes.

Gimme some chicken!

The unlockables are crap too. You’d expect a reboot like this to perhaps have some retro-themed bonuses like the way the recent Splatterhouse game included the original arcade trilogy as unlockable games but no, there’s little here to be excited about…or is there? If you’re as sad as I am, you might find yourself trying to complete the game purely to unlock the classic red and white bikini outfit for Tyris which - I can happily confirm - exists. It’s ultimately not worth the slog though so I’ve included a picture of it here to save you lovely readers the pain of having to complete Beast Rider to get the good stuff.

How's that for service?

Shall we close with something positive? The artwork for this game is fantastic and that’s not a word you’ll hear me associate liberally with this disappointing train-wreck of a game. Yep, it really is the best thing about Beast Rider and I enjoyed browsing it far more than playing the actual game. With that in mind, I’ll conclude this Extended Play session with some samples of what I consider the best bits of art from Golden Axe Beast Rider. For the truly hardcore, there was an exclusive US art book released in limited numbers (possibly as a pre-order bonus or retailer exclusive – I’m not 100% sure) that I’ve been keeping an eye out for. If I ever find a copy, I’ll be sure to share the contents here. For now, enjoy these scavenged gems.

Apologies for the low resolution Ax Battler image but decent screenshots and varied images in general for this game are hard to find so I had to get this pic from a paused cutscene video.

Movie Review: Miss March (2008)

2011-11-11T04:17:00.000-08:00

Warning: Darkstalker90's movie reviews can and do contain spoilers. Read on at your own risk!

Do you remember your first time? Were you nervous? Were you worried about living up to her expectations? Or did you stupidly get coaxed into drinking too many shots beforehand then drunkenly fall down some stairs, knocking yourself into a coma only to wake up four years later and find that your sweetheart is now a Playboy Bunny? This is the situation that Miss March’s Eugene finds himself in this American Pie-like gross-out comedy. So prepare for more penis jokes, more pursuing of shagging and more unlikely disastrous blunders. Surprised?

It’s a predictable film for sure but then one look at the cover should have told you that before the disc even saw daylight. The basic premise is that Eugene wakes from his coma and reluctantly goes on a road trip to the legendary Playboy Mansion with his dense friend Tucker (who was to blame for the accident in the first place incidentally) to try and win back his girlfriend Cindi (played by the achingly gorgeous girl-next-door Raquel Alessi) and finally lose his V-Plates to his once innocent sweetheart.

"Dude, it's Playboy not Embarassing Genital Diseases Monthly".

To Miss March’s credit, at least this set-up has a little substance to it rather than another out of control party scenario. From there on though, it just becomes an excuse for a mix of disasters based on misunderstandings, sexual antics and stereotypical two-dimensional supporting characters. There’s even the old gag where somebody drinks piss without realising it. Yes things are depressingly predictable but it’s hard to hold this against Miss March because…well, what do you expect from a film like this? Gross-out comedies aren’t famous for revolutionising cinema or leaving space for deep, meaningful developments so it’s difficult to be disappointed.

Hell of an axe-cident. No? I'll get my coat...

The big ‘thing’ in this film is having the Playboy Mansion as the setting for the film’s finale. The screen is filled with eye candy and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner even puts in a guest appearance to deal out some unexpected philosophical advice to Tucker. There’s nothing overly exciting or sexy here though so save your box of ‘special time’ tissues for another film. In fact, Miss March as a whole is a fairly tame comedy compared to the likes of American Pie and that film’s various other imitators. There’s an occasional flash of boobie and an awkward lesbian scene but nothing outrageous.

And that’s the problem. As solid and ‘okay’ as Miss March is, there’s very little here to put it above similar movies in the same vein that have gone before. That’s not to say that it’s bad but Miss March is certainly an instance of having already been there and seeing it many times before. Films like this need to really push the boundaries and be bulging at the seams with naughtiness to stand up and be noticed but as it is, Miss March plays it safe and ultimately cruises below the radar.

"Whoa...who are those guys? It must be the internetz"

Still, if you just want to see some crude jokes, ogle some babes and simply have a laugh with some mates then you could do a lot worse than Miss March. It’s always hard to review a film like this because after watching a few different examples, predictably sets in fairly quickly. On the other hand, fans of gross-out comedies won’t mind and might still give it a look. In summary, Miss March is like that cute girl at school who you’d rate as (in the words of Tucker) “a solid 7” if you actually took the time to notice her but the fact is that the cheerleaders and easy ‘10’s will always be more interesting.

+ Raquel Alessi (Google her now).

+ Funny in places.

- Too predictable.

- Pretty tame compared to other gross-out comedies.

- Most of the characters are forgettable.

Overall Score: 2.5/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "Well I wasn't expecting a lot so it's hard to be super disappointed but yeah...not much to say really which I suppose sums up Miss March better than this review managed. The best thing by far is the DVD cover at the top of this review".

Review: Bloodrayne (PS2)

2011-11-08T04:16:00.000-08:00

Year Released: 2002
Format Reviewed: Playstation 2
Also For: Xbox, Gamecube
Developer: Terminal Reality
Publisher: Majesco
Related Games: Bloodrayne 2 (Playstation 2/Xbox), Bloodrayne Betrayal (PSN/XBLA)

Vampires are cool. Sexy badass girl vampires dressed up in tight, revealing leather are even better so BloodRayne immediately gets something right straight away. Unfortunately, BloodRayne just as quickly gets something so terribly wrong with one of the worst opening levels in any game, a level so painfully dull and off-putting that it makes you want to just forget it completely and play something – anything – else. This is a shame as BloodRayne isn’t a standout title by any means but it’s certainly better than the first hour or so of tedious gameplay would suggest.

You play as Rayne (‘agent BloodRayne’ to be precise), a half human, half vampire chick who – with her red hair, cleavage that leaves little to the imagination and conveniently skimpy leathers – resembles what a vampire might look like in a horny teenage boy’s wet dream. Rayne’s two ‘other’ weapons are the huge blades attached to her arms which she uses to slice and dice her enemies but she can also suck them dry in true vampire fashion or fill ‘em full of lead thanks to her knack for dual-wielding guns of all shapes and sizes. Most of the time however, giving an enemy the hicky of death is the quickest way to kill them and also the most beneficial since their blood replenishes Rayne’s health. You’d be forgiven for thinking that something else was happening on-screen though when you hear Rayne’s exaggerated murmurs of satisfaction and the prominent sucking sounds that her feasting makes.

Drinks vending machines look a bit different in Nazi bases

Rayne is an agent working for the mysterious Brimstone Society, an organisation dedicated to battling supernatural threats. The plot of BloodRayne is set between world wars so naturally, the Nazi’s and their research into the occult are the ones that Rayne must infiltrate and put a stop to. Demons, mutations and even a sadistic female Nazi ‘surgeon’ (complete with enormous blood-splattered breasts thrusting her shirt open) – it’s all here.

To get to any of this interesting stuff however, you must first get past the aforementioned introductory stage. After a brief training level with Rayne’s partner Mynce (surname not ‘meat’ before you ask) the game begins in a dull swamp environment. It’s murky, ugly and generally depressing to look at with its browns and horrible shades of green stretching into the foggy distance. Obviously a game involving vampires, the occult and hellish creatures isn’t going to borrow the bright blue skies from Sega’s Outrun but who would want to look at this? It’s miserable and reminiscent of the countless dingy pieces of obscure, lazily designed budget trash on the PS2. As the player embarks on a slew of menial ‘go there, do this, go here, do that’ tasks, they need to jump between patches of dry land, across rooftops or use conveniently placed overhead cables to cross the water which is apparently harmful to vampires.

"My...what a nice hall you have here...mind if I shoot it up?"

Since when were vampires hurt by water? And when were cables suddenly able to take the weight of a fully-grown woman without even flexing in the slightest? It’s nit-picking obviously and questions that developer Terminal Reality doesn’t want us to ask but they’re things that immediately spring to mind as you trudge back and forth through the swamp, desperately wondering if the game is going to get interesting any time soon.

The graphics are okay; nothing special that’ll tax your PS2 but acceptable. It’s just hard to see it when you’re stuck in a horrible swamp. The character models are similarly ‘okay’. There are better examples in other games of course but for a relatively early Playstation 2 game, it’s pretty good.

Anyway, the goal in the swamp is to find and destroy pod-like growths responsible for birthing giant spiders into the swamps and turning the local residents into brain-dead mutants. So you jump around, avoiding the water, killing spiders and shooting mutated villagers while hunting down these pods that actually look like huge vaginas. After you’ve destroyed all of these, there’s an irritating pursuit section followed up by a hateful boss battle against none other than – drum roll - a giant spider. It’s actually not such a hard boss but for the finale to a comparatively tame and tiresome set of stages, the difficulty spike is extremely noticeable. On top of this, you’re constantly hopping between small islands and abandoned boats to stay out of the water with the smaller spiders also in hot pursuit. Make it through this ordeal however and the worst of the game is thankfully over.

Acrobatics play a big part in the game and look the biz.

Now the game begins to resemble a vampire game. No more messing about with spiders and water – now you’re running and jumping through a Nazi base, hacking up soldiers, guzzling their blood and shooting the place up. Rayne is also granted access to an ability to slow down time and do battle Matrix-style, a feature that is undeniably overused in games but impossible not to have fun with. Cutting limbs off, seeing blood spray excessively in every direction and watching bullets thud into enemies all in slow-mo - it’s mesmerising and also genuinely useful when greatly outnumbered which is usually the case.

The only issue with the slow motion is its unlimited availability meaning Rayne can meddle with time infinitely and therefore make every melee a piece of cake. This also applies to some of the boss battles where it’s entirely possible to flick to slow-mo and just run in circles around the enemy, hacking away at their back until they kick the bucket. In a way it’s nice that this power is always available but it does upset the balance of the challenge sometimes.

Guns are also a strange one, being split up into different categories – light, heavy, explosives and special weapons – that the player can flick between on the fly with the R2 button. The idea is obviously to inject some strategy into shooting but aside from saving the meaty grenades and rocket launchers, it’s just as effective to simply hold down the fire button until everything is depleted. There’s so much ammo lying around that strategy and preservation of weapons is a redundant concept anyway.

The swamp level in all its disgusting glory.

Other more serious gameplay gripes include occasional glitches (enemies getting trapped in animation loops or walking themselves off cliffs), the repetitive combat - testing the player’s tolerance for constant slow motion battles – and certain areas of the game that are simply unfair with cheap deaths. Returning to the swamp again, there are certain areas where there’s no other choice but to wade through health-sapping waters to get to where Rayne needs to be. You just have to hope that there are dry parts further into the rooms/buildings or at least somebody to suck blood from or else Rayne dies.

This smattering of poor design, some uneven pacing and the questionable implementation of slow motion do little to justify BloodRayne as a must-play title. The repetitive gameplay and unconvincing opening chapter also stack up against a recommendation for this game. Having said that, there’s certainly plenty of good to balance out the ugly; you get a lot of game for your money, the combat is stylish and the story bonkers with a suitably dark streak. In short, BloodRayne is a reasonably entertaining action game that probably doesn’t deserve to be a classic but is nonetheless worth biting into. It’s got to be better than Twilight in any case.

+ Fun Matrix-inspired combat.

+ Decent graphics and good character models.

+ Surprisingly generous lifespan.

- Repetetive gameplay.

- Some poorly implemented features.

Overall Score: 2.9/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "You might think I went overboard complaining about the swamp and in truth, perhaps I did. I just wanted to express the fact that when I first played this game, I saw that level and had to force myself not to turn it off and just never play Bloodrayne again. Consider this review a sort-of public service, a message to perservere past the opening stage if you feel the same way I did. Anyway, I really enjoyed Bloodrayne and I was quite surprised that I did since it always looked like a shovelware title trying to sell itself with big boobs on the cover. Very pleased to be proved wrong".

A Trip to the Arcades

2011-11-01T04:19:00.000-07:00

Many say that the days of arcades reigning supreme have long passed and no gamer – no matter how passionate they are – could disagree. Indeed, the arcades of today are dominated by pointless penny-pushers, unfair grabber machines and ranks of boring slot machines. While this hostile takeover clearly illustrates how the modern arcade scene pales in comparison to home gaming, there is still a wealth of experiences for gamers to enjoy from retro delights still chugging away to new machines still being released by the likes of Sega, Namco etc. Some of these don’t even see home conversions so a trip to the arcade is still worth your while.

What follows is my own personal experience of some typical seaside arcades that I visited during my holiday to South Devon this year. It would be easy to do a report on a huge London-based arcade brimming with hit titles but this article is for highlighting the fact that there are still some great arcade games left in the regular seaside haunts.

Scud Race (Sega)

Year Released: 1996

Played Where? Harbourside Arcade, Brixham

Scud Race is a lost classic from Sega, an arcade racer that never saw a home conversion yet is still held in high regard by those in the know. I also read somewhere that the cab is now reasonably uncommon too so I had to give it a go. Scud Race felt a lot like Daytona USA to me but with better visuals and licensed cars such as the Porsche 959 and Ferrari F40 to name two. The driving felt like a slightly streamlined upgrade of Daytona, the race structure was nigh-on-identical and awesome music pumps out of seat-mounted speakers from behind the player just like in Daytona. The example I played on was a tilting hydraulic version too which was a nice bonus. A brilliant racing game that everyone should try if they clap eyes on a surviving cab.

Tekken 5 (Namco)

Year Released: 2004

Played Where? Harbourside Arcade, Brixham

I love Tekken so despite having played the hell out of the PS2 port of Tekken 5, I still spent a few credits on the arcade version just to experience the game in its home. I was able to easily recall Kazuya’s moves and combos and pull them off with the joystick and buttons to breeze my way to the penultimate stage only to get beaten by Devil Jin. Bah. Main gripes: the screen was either a poor replacement or out of focus and the data card system wasn’t working (if it was ever available in the UK anyway).

Ridge Racer (Namco)

Year Released: 1993

Played Where? Harbourside Arcade, Brixham

Confession time: it’s 2011 and I’d never played the original Ridge Racer before. I know, slap me with a wet fish – I probably deserve it. Nevertheless, I aimed to put that right this year so thankfully, I heard the infamous “RIIIIIIIIDGE RAAAAACER!” cry while I was busy with Scud Race and my next game was decided. It took me a while to grasp drifting in the first person (couldn’t find a way to change the camera view) but once I’d got it, I really enjoyed the game. Best add the Playstation port to my shopping list then.

Daytona USA (Sega)

Year Released: 1993

Played Where? Carousel Amusements, Brixham

Nestled in the back corner of a small Brixham arcade is a well-used but still fully functional two-player Daytona USA machine. While many of the games in this feature were new experiences for me this year, I always put a few pounds into this arcade legend. Sit down, choose the obligatory circular ‘beginner’ course and floor the accelerator as the endearing “ROOOOOLLLLLING STAAAAAAAAAAAAART!” cry blares out, accompanied by pleasingly loud music thumping out of the speakers from behind. The noise drowns out everything in the near vicinity and friendships will be tested when ramming the second player’s car into a wall creates a huge (if unrealistic) crash that cripples their ride. Unforgettable and eternally awesome.

The Lost World (Sega)

Year Released: 1997

Played Where? Harbourside Arcade, Brixham

Something has survived. Unfortunately, I was hoping to find a surviving example of the other Sega Jurassic Park blaster but no such luck. This 1997 effort was better than nothing though. Players sit inside a cab loosely resembling a 4x4 from the movies then shoot dinosaurs with the provided lightguns. There are even curtains on the sides to fully immerse yourself in the experience without that pesky sunlight interfering or for non-geeky couples to hide behind and do naughty things. As for the game itself…it was okay but the guns were old and inaccurate while the screen was tinged red from age. The end of the first stage was just a long and tedious boss battle too. Not brilliant but still worth a look.

Terminator Salvation (Play Mechanix/Raw Thrills)

Year Released: 2010

Played Where? Paignton Pier

For me, this is THE lightgun game of the moment and it’s not even a Sega or Namco creation. The film of the same name might have divided movie-goers but blasting at legions of deadly terminators with a massive assault rifle should do the trick. There’s a button on the side of the gun for grenades and you can reload by shooting off-screen or hitting the spring-loaded ammo clip on the rifle’s underside. Naturally I chose the latter to feel like I was there in the future and desperately trying to save humanity. Obviously I was still standing on Paignton pier and surrounded by whining kids and skulking teenagers but you get the picture. The only downside is that Salvation is quite hard and each credit costs a whole quid so unless you want to forfeit buying some fresh donuts afterwards you probably won’t complete it. Pray for an unlikely home conversion on PSN or XBLA.

Aliens Extermination (Play Mechanix/Global VR)

Year Released: 2006

Played Where? Golden Palms, Torquay

Another arcade blaster that I hadn’t seen before and this cabinet located in Torquay’s Golden Palms arcade was the only one I saw. Extermination plants the player in the boots of a marine who – alongside his computer-controlled allies – must move through corridors reminiscent of the second movie and destroy the hoardes of xenomorphs intent on gobbling up your credits. The game uses mounted Pulse Rifles that feature additional buttons for grenades and flame shots. Explosions rock the screen, gunfire belts out of the speakers and the signature motion tracker goes crazy as you use everything to keep the aliens at bay. Extermination is a great game but like Terminator Salvation, it’s also tough with fast-moving enemies that use the walls and ceiling to overwhelm the player. Still, it’s great fun and an Alien game so there’s no excuse not to feed it a coin or two.

The House of the Dead (Sega)

Year Released: 1996

Played Where? Harbourside Arcade, Brixham

Yep, it’s the original zombie lightgun game still going strong despite its age. The guns were taped-up replacements and I could see the ‘insert credits’ text burnt into the screen like a ghost but that was all part of the arcade charm for me. Let us not forget that the only home conversion was an ugly Sega Saturn port that goes for a pretty penny these days and Sega have reportedly lost the original source code meaning that the arcade game is still worth playing in 2011. Obviously it isn’t a patch on the later sequels but House of the Dead was still an extremely playable and fun relic that I’d encourage any lightgun fan to revisit.

Sega Rally 2 (Sega)

Year Released: 1998

Played Where? Golden Palms, Torquay

Unfortunately, I didn’t see any original Sega Rally cabs while on holiday but unlike House of the Dead there’s at least an acceptable and extremely accomplished Sega Saturn port available for the home. On the other hand there were several arcades touting Sega Rally 2 machines with the four player version in Torquay’s Golden Palms arcade being the most memorable. I was crap at it though, forgetting to change the camera view then hopelessly drifting off the course every few corners as I struggled to make do with first person driving. Sega Rally 2 was never going to replicate the impact of the original game but it was still an enjoyable rally game that I’d consider picking up for the Dreamcast in the near future.

Need for Speed Underground (Global VR)

Year Released: 2005

Played Where? Carousel Amusements, Brixham

While I never really found myself engrossed in the home versions of EA’s NFS games, I was surprised to find that I enjoyed this arcade adaptation. Perhaps it’s because the arcade edition cuts out all the crap like having to buy cars, upgrade them with parts and keep earning cash. No, this was all about sitting down, picking a fully modded street machine and just racing. There’s a nitro button for blurred-screen speed boosts just like in the home games and a handbrake for sliding around corners. It’s not an arcade classic by any means but Underground was still an enjoyable racer. The only letdowns were the fact that the card-based save system (for unlocking cars) wasn’t working (I’m noticing a pattern here…) and each credit costing a whole English pound.

Point Blank (Namco)

Year Released: 1994

Played Where? Carousel Amusements, Brixham

Sat next to the Daytona USA machine in Brixham’s Carousel Amusements seafront arcade, Point Blank made jumping from one classic machine to another in under a second a pleasant reality. Always living in the shadow of Time Crisis, the Point Blank games are all about minigames that test the player’s ability to take down colourful targets in tight time limits. There’s lots of variety when it comes to stuff to shoot and a cutsey cartoon style that suits the pink G-Con far more than Time Crisis. This just makes it more appealing to girls too so at least the other half might join in instead of standing to one side, waiting impatiently. As a perfect sideshow to the likes of Time Crisis, I really enjoy Point Blank.

Time Crisis 2 (Namco)

Year Released: 1998

Played Where? Harbourside Arcade, Brixham

Whichever Time Crisis game you find in an arcade, you’re guaranteed a great time. For me, the best thing about any instalment in Namco’s legendary lightgun series is that you never lose a credit unfairly. Other games bombard the player with too many enemies or threats to concentrate on at once or create situations with very little time to react. The cover system in Time Crisis means that accuracy and carefully managing your time in the firing line are key to surviving and anybody can master these. This year I only managed to locate Time Crisis 2 and it was still one of the best arcade games available. There’s a Time Crisis 4 machine on Paignton pier too if anybody is interested.

So that was it for this year. The only real downers were more and more machines asking for pound coins instead of fifty pence, no House of the Dead 3 in any of the arcades and Sega’s Rambo not working…right next to a broken House of the Dead 4. Overall though, I played a lot of cool games this year but there was just not enough time get really stuck into any of them. Hopefully this article brings back some memories, brings new games to people’s attention or even helps out anybody planning to visit any of the same areas I did.

Latest Pick-ups #1

2011-10-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

Now don't worry, I'm not going to bombard this blog with posts like these. I'm just going to do one every now and then in between 'proper' articles. Incidentally, the next post will be a review - it's all written up and ready to go. Additionally, if there's anything in these features that any readers want me to review or look at in closer depth, post a comment and I'll look at writing something up. I'm just that good to my readers y'see.

First up, two games for different formats: Double Switch on the Mega CD and Fear Effect for the original Playstation.

Both of these are courtesy of the wonderfully generous 'Shinobi' from the Retro Gamer forum. Double Switch looks to be another dosage of FMV madness from the early nineties. Right up my street then. Fear Effect is an intriguing four-disc whopper of a game that is - according to a quote on the back of the box - "better than The Matrix". Well I'm not sure if that's true but I've had the sequel for a long time and held off playing it until I had the original so I'm glad to get this.

Next up is OutRun 2006 Coast 2 Coast for the PSP. I've been playing a lot of the PS2 version lately and I've found it quickly becoming one of my favourite PS2 games in a short space of time. I picked up the PSP edition not just to have a portable C2C but also because unlocking everything requires linking the two versions together. This would have been a insane and irritating cash-grabbing scheme back in the day but since both the PS2 and PSP versions can now be acquired for well under a tenner each, it's not such an issue. That F355 Spider will finally be mine!

Now for two PS2 games: The King of Fighters '98 Ultimate Match and BloodRayne 2.

As anybody who follows the KOF series knows, this is the hardest and most elusive release on the PS2 to track down. Released in extremely small quantities, it's certainly not the toughest PS2 game to find (there are always a few copies on ebay) but you often have to look abroad to mainland Europe which is where most were released by Ignition. As you can see, my copy has the huge German ratings logo splattered on the front but since it was sealed at a decent price, I wasn't going to complain and sit around for eons waiting for the UK release to pop up. BloodRayne 2 was a kind freebie from another Retro Gamer forum member named 'snowkatt'. I recently completed the first game I quite enjoyed it so the (slightly harder to find) sequel was on my wanted list.

Lastly - since I sometimes review movies on here - some DVD's. All of these are sealed and came from a new discount warehouse place that opened near where I live a few weeks back. Some of these are old films now so where they are getting sealed copies of those early card/plastic-cased DVD's I have no idea. At 3 for £5 I wasn't complaining though.

Of particular interest were the obscure-looking Bram Stoker mummy film, Armageddon (not the Bruce Willis film) and Miss March which looks like an American Pie sort of movie and suckered me in with the cover. The latter is also a rental version so no idea how this place is getting away with selling sealed rental DVD's.

Out of these, I've only watched Armageddon so far and it actually wasn't that bad considering its obscurity and the blurb on the back that likens the film's setting to Blade Runner. It certainly doesn't look futuristic and it isn't a patch on Ridley Scott's masterpiece but for what it is, Armageddon was okay. Further research and asking about reveals that it was likely one of those DVD's that came packed with the players years ago (the bundles where you got the player and 100 unknown films thrown in).

So that's it for now. As I said at the start, if there's anything here that you would like see reviewed then leave a comment below and I'll see what I can do.

Top Five...Games that made an Impact

2011-10-04T04:41:00.000-07:00

Games that made an impact on me that is. All I seem to do lately is review crappy games so in this top five feature, I’m going to talk about some games that I like, specifically five games that have had a major impact on my gaming life. It’s no secret that I like my retro games but aside from a few hazy memories of playing on a Mega Drive as a very young kid, my gaming life began with the original Playstation in the late nineties. For that reason, this Top Five will obviously lean heavily towards games from that era onwards. This isn’t to say that older games don’t have an impact but this is my personal selection of games that changed my outlook on our favourite media.

5. Spyro The Dragon (Playstation)

Some say that Insomniac’s platformer was a mere cash-in on Super Mario 64’s success (as with many 3D platformers of the era) and that’s undeniably true to an extent. All I know is that it was a solid game with great graphics for the time and a charming world that evokes an almost suffocating nostalgia for me, taking me back to a time when every game experience was still fresh and exciting.

The reason it makes this top 5 however is for the excellent soundtrack composed by Stuart Copeland from The Police. Today, the music is just so evocative with each track fitting its respective level like a snug glove. Mr Copeland also composed the scores for the two sequels (also on the Playstation), producing some equally excellent tracks for those follow-ups too. Simply put, this is the first time when the music in a game became such an important factor for me.

Darkstalker90 Says: "This is one of my favourite games of all time and I still have a complete playthrough or two each year along with the two Playstation sequels. The music is certainly some of my favourite game music of all time and part of the reason why I have to revisit Spyro every so often"

4. Pokemon Red Version (Gameboy)

Whatever you say about Pokemon, it's collossal impact on gaming, society and Nintendo's wallet is undeniable. Nowadays the franchise is still going strong with a dedicated following but the mass hysteria surrounding Satoshi Tajiri's creation has long since passed. I - like millions of other kids - wanted a Gameboy just to play Pokemon. This obviously evolved (no pun intended) into a general fascination with videogames so it's fair to say that Pokemon was a big part of me getting into gaming.

The game's influence on my console purchases was also incredibly strong. I got a GBA for Ruby/Sapphire, a Gamecube to play Pokemon Colosseum and I had to have a DS for the inevitable next generation of handheld Pokemon games (which turned out to be Diamond and Pearl). I remember being blown away by Silver Version, eagerly grabbing Fire Red and Emerald on their respective launch dates and playing Crystal Version on my brand new GBA while ignoring my (then) next-generation GBA cartridges. Pokemon makes this list purely for its overall impact on my gaming journey.

Darkstalker90 Says: "The amount of hours I've sunk into these games...I'd rather not know the total. I know I spent well in excess of 200 just on Sapphire Version alone. Scary stuff. In any case, I haven't bought a new Pokemon game since Diamond Version. Will the Gold/Silver remakes tarnish my memories for the amazing Gameboy Colour originals? Are Black/White any good? I don't know but I will inevitably find out I'm sure"

3. Grand Theft Auto Vice City (Playstation 2)

I know, I know: GTA III came first and did the revolutionary open world sandbox thing but a battered old copy of Vice City with a scratched disc and no instruction manual was my first experience of the series (as well as my first PS2 game in fact). Going back to the game today, it’s a relatively tame and limited experience compared to more recent free-roaming games but when I first played Vice City, I’d never seen anything like it before and I was blown away. I was immediately driving anywhere I wanted with Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean on the radio…awesome. A soundtrack of ‘real’ music, subquests, tons of hidden collectibles, new and exciting weapons to find…it was certainly a game that raised the bar for me and ensured that anything had to be pretty special to impress. Rockstar’s epic follow-up, San Andreas, is my favourite in the series but Vice City will always be the game that spoilt me and led me to expect more from games.

Darkstalker90 Says: "The game that made me realise what all the fuss with GTA was about, even if I did experience it long after everybody else had traded it in. I don't think I could ever get bored of listening to Video Killed The Radio Star while ramming other cars off the road and shooting stuff up"

2. Tekken 2 (Playstation)

There's not much to say here if I'm being honest. My love for fighting games is already well-known and this is where it started. Tekken 2 is the game that got me into the complex world of combos, specific timings and juggling (not the circus variety of course). From here on, I played Soulblade then Marvel Vs Capcom 2 and I was hooked on the genre. Tekken 2 will forever be remembered by me as my first fighter but it also helps that the music was outstanding, the characters individually unique and the gameplay superb. To this day, Tekken 2 is a fighting game that I still judge others by.

Darkstalker90 Says: "So there it is, the secret genesis of my fighting game addiction. I still play this every now and then when a modern fighting game begins to lose it's sparkle or frustrate me. Namco was on the ball with their 90's arcade output and this is one of the best examples of their work from that magical era"

1. Final Fantasy VIII (Playstation)

I'll let you in on a secret: Darkstalkers isn't my favourite game. Yes, I have an unhealthy love for Capcom's 2D fighter but Square's Final Fantasy VIII is my favourite game of all-time. When I first played this, I was blown away by the music, the battles and the way in which I was easily immersed in FF VIII's fictional world. Yes, the plot gets a bit silly towards the end and some people didn't like the junctioning system but neither of those points would bother me in the slightest.

It was the story and characters that really made Final Fantasy VIII a standout title for me however. As a teenager at the time of playing the game, I could easily relate to the troubled and arguably emo lead character Squall Leonheart but the rest of the characters, their backstories and the general group dynamic also captivated me. By far the best part was the central love story which sees Squall slowly change as a character as he falls for Rinoa, becoming an almost completely different person by disc four while not completely disposing his previous personality traits, keeping things real. The space scene in particular is extremely moving as is the 'Eyes on Me' song. Final Fantasy VIII tops this list for being the first game to truly suck me all the way into its world, make me care about the characters and enjoy every moment of what is an epic journey.

Darkstalker90 Says: "Before anybody asks, I played FF VII after this one. I also really enjoyed that game and it's story too but since Final Fantasy VIII was the first game I played in the series, it obviously had the greatest impact on me. I even bought the four disc soundtrack boxset but I still haven't got the Limited Edition release of the game which I really should own"

Review: Guardians of the 'Hood (arcade)

2011-09-27T04:32:00.000-07:00

Year Released: 1992
Format Reviewed: Arcade (played via MAME)
Also For: N/A
Developer: Atari Games
Publisher: Atari Games
Related Games: Pit Fighter (arcade), Tattoo Assassins (arcade/cancelled), Mortal Kombat (arcade/various home systems)

I don’t want to sound like I’m selling out but let me set the tone for this review by borrowing a phrase from a certain Angry Video Game Nerd: this game is f*****g HORRIBLE! Apologies for the bleeped swearing but consider this review a warning to stay away from Guardians of the ‘Hood. To give a brief history, side-scrolling beat ‘em ups and digitisation were both pretty big in the early nineties so Atari had the brainwave of mashing the two together in order – presumably – to create an arcade sensation. Atari already did the same for their one-on-one brawler Pit Fighter so why not do a beat ‘em up too? As you can probably guess, it didn’t work and Guardians of the ‘Hood is just a nasty experiment that faded into obscurity.

A harmless drink on the town soon took a strange turn.

The game starts with a horrible animation of a digitised ‘crime lord’ – who looks like a bad Michael Jackson impersonator – announcing that he’s “taking over this crummy town”. Well…fine. Why would you want to take over a town you’ve just admitted was crap? Take it and save anybody from having to play this game! Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that so you take control of one of the crappy-looking digitised characters and hit the streets.

As you’d expect, the player simply moves from left to right battling stereotypical thugs, punk girls wearing short skirts and bras, fat dudes with headbutt attacks and Chinese martial artists named ‘Dragon’. How creative. The fighting is atrocious. For some reason, the player is rarely faced by more than one enemy at a time for the first few levels as if the hardware can’t handle any more moving objects on the same screen. Things soon ramp up later on however with more enemies elevating the difficulty to insane heights. On top of this, the attacks look awkward and the controls are clunky with special moves near impossible to work out let alone pull off thanks to needlessly complex input commands. Streets of Rage 2 this ain’t.


Between levels, there are these bonus rounds. Ugh.

The high difficulty is partly due to the frustrating controls but also due to things like an enemy throwing a constant barrage of oil drums your way, giving the player no recovery time and dealing lots of damage with one quick projectile combo. The timer is also a major pain. Timers in side-scrolling beat ‘em ups are nothing new but how often do you actually see the clock reach zero? Not very often. In Guardians of the ‘Hood however, that clock is your worst enemy as you struggle to waste the enemies before the game demands more money. Oh and there’s only one life per credit too. What a greedy money-snatching idea from a financially crippled company. Guardians of the ‘Hood is a perfect snapshot of how far Atari had fallen from grace by the late eighties/early nineties.

The only good thing to say about this game is that there’s an interesting scaling effect as the player sprite moves towards the back of the screen. Basically, the characters get smaller as if they’re moving into the distance unlike most other beat ‘em ups where everybody stays the same size and there’s no attempt at depth.

You can also recruit defeated bosses to use as playable characters but that’s been done before (Double Dragon 3 for example).

Who's this? Michael Jackson? Not on Atari's budget.

Bar these two features, everything else about GotH is just messy and weird. In the first stage for example, you can pick up an innocent drunkard from the sidewalk and throw him at enemies like a piece of garbage. Most beat ‘em ups have things like oil drums and crates but this game doesn’t mess around, taking projectile weapons to a whole new level. You can also hit a shuffling granny and punch hookers but these ladies hit back hard with their handbags then carry on with their business, content to smack you back as many times as you clobber them. There’s even a flasher in the subway level who opens his trench coat to expose himself to passing trains. Sadly you can’t chuck him under a train.

It all makes you wonder: where are these people today? Where are these actors who were put into this travesty of a game? Almost certainly doing something better than dressing up as a subway flasher or an embarrassing thug and probably regretting the day they ever stooped so low as to be a part of this disaster.

Ugly visuals, dreadful repetitive music, unwieldy controls, high difficulty and general bizarreness; there’s virtually no merits to praise Guardians of the ‘Hood with. Admittedly, some of the weird stuff like throwing the drunk about will initially amuse and is possibly worth a look but after around thirty seconds with this game, nobody is laughing. Short of being crazy enough to hunt out an original arcade machine, the only way to play GotH today is via an emulator such as MAME but even then, the rom is a waste of space on your computer. In fact, playing this game is like willingly volunteering to unblock an elephant’s backside with your bare hands. You have been warned.

+ Some strange things...worth a brief look.

- Horrible controls.

- Ugly visuals.

- Unforgiving difficulty and a ruthless lack of lives per credit.

- Constantly fighting against the timer.

Overall Score: 0.5/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "The only reason this game scores above zero is down to some of the weird things being somewhat amusing first time round. I have a tendency to find something likeable in most bad games but Guardians of the Hood is one of the few games where I’ve come away feeling like I’ve completely wasted time I should have been doing something else with. A horrible arcade game, an absolute failure as a beat ‘em up and easily one of the worst games I’ve ever played!".

Extended Play Archive

2011-09-27T03:54:00.000-07:00

Stay tuned for this new series. The links to any EP article I write will be recorded here and be accessible from the 'archive' section on the right of the blog.

Golden Axe: Beast Rider (PS3)

An Update

2011-09-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

While I was checking my comments a few weeks back, I noticed one on a post I'd made well over a year ago about my plan to collect every PAL Gamecube exclusive title. While I generally don't like to use this blog to talk about what I've bought or what I own, I thought I should at least reply to this comment while also using the same post as an excuse for a general update.

I've long since given up on the crazy Gamecube idea that I 'comissioned'. Why? Well, I just don't have the time or space to store loads of games, most of which I'll probably never even want to play. Don't get me wrong, I still have respect for anybody who goes for a full collection and has the dedication to actually finish it but it just wasn't for me. Gamecube-wise, I'm now just collecting the exclusive games that I actually want to play. I've got almost all of the first party Nintendo stuff now and there are a few other third party bits and pieces I have yet to pick up but I'm in no rush. I still think a set of all the best Gamecube games will make a fantastic retro collection in future and prices are already set high for certain games so now is a good time to get into it if you haven't already. Don't come back in five years time and say I didn't warn you!

As for my collection in general, I'm currently slimming down and selling off quite a few games across various formats, hopefully leaving me with the best of the best i.e. the games that I enjoy. I have a huge stack of PS2 games that I'm currently making my way through in an attempt to weed out the chaff and hopefully get rid of quite a few. That's the plan anyway. It's not always easy however because even bad games have enjoyable aspects to them that have me thinking "Oh, that makes it worth keeping". Ruthlessness is the only way forward it seems.

Finally, a quick preview of the blog content I have coming up soon. I'm currently polishing up another review of a PS2 game that should be up very soon, I have the first of a new feature called 'Extended Play' coming up plus there'll be more scans of some Konami brochures and a revamp of the 'Girls of gaming' section to make it less discriminate to male characters. Yep, it's going to be a general 'characters' section (working title) so that I can include some guys, badass bosses and anything/anybody else that isn't a girl.

So stay tuned and I'll try and make this stuff reality very soon. Thanks to anybody who reads my reviews/articles - your interest is much appreciated :)

Review: Golden Axe Beast Rider (Playstation 3/PS3)

2011-09-09T06:59:00.000-07:00

Year Released: 2008
Format Reviewed: Playstation 3
Also For: Xbox 360
Developer: Secret Level
Publisher: Sega
Related Games: Golden Axe (Arcade), Golden Axe II (Sega Mega Drive/Genesis), Golden Axe: The Revenge of Death Adder (Arcade)

So…a brand new Golden Axe game for modern consoles. Chances are that anybody familiar with the classic arcade original or its sequels will immediately want to know how faithful an update this latest instalment of a long dormant Sega franchise is. Those people may want to prepare to be disappointed because Golden Axe in 2008 is a very different beast (no pun intended).

You see, Sega have committed the unforgivable sin of letting an outside studio have its dirty way with one of their hallowed properties and turn a classic side-scrolling beat ‘em up into a generic, blood-splattered hack and slash event that will surely impress nobody. Limbs fly and blood sprays everywhere as an all-new grittier Tyris Flare flaunts her barely covered breasts in enemies’ faces before carving them up and continuing with her linear, often frustrating and always soulless journey.

Well done Secret Level...nice camera work there.

If the God of War-inspired gore and a camera that lingers on Tyris’ bottom during cutscenes don’t immediately set alarm bells ringing then we welcome you to modern gaming, a world where developers think a retro revival needs more super violence and big breasts to sell a game. If you have fond memories of the original series then this is somebody taking a huge steaming bowel movement on those memories before hosing the whole mess down with a lengthy piss for good measure. That’s a pretty harsh assessment of course and since it’s glaringly obvious that Beast Rider isn’t catering to Golden Axe veterans, it’s only fair to give the game a chance and focus on what positives there are.

Firstly, it’s fair to say that the grim and very brown environments do a good job of creating a Conan-like fantasy world which is what Golden Axe always looked like it was drawing inspiration from. From the wastelands to the mountains and back to the simple settlements, it succeeds in creating a world where all men would resemble bodybuilders and swords are impossibly huge. Even Tyris herself could be considered appropriately ‘dressed’ for this kind of world. Admittedly we’re clutching at straws here; the developers left Tyris with only tiny scraps of cloth to cover her bum so that more copies of Beast Rider would fly off the shelves but if you shut that cynical voice off for a few minutes and go stare at some Frank Frazetta paintings then Tyris’ wardrobe can make sense.

Things got messy after Tyris found text messages to another girl.

The graphics are okay too. Nothing that will tax your PS3/360 but admittedly pretty decent given how uninspiring the gameplay is.

Combat compromises of light and heavy attacks with classic Golden Axe magic on the side and buttons for evading and countering enemy attacks. It all functions well enough and there are some different combos/juggles available by experimenting with the two attack buttons. The evade/counter system isn’t so hot however. If an enemy attack glows orange then you dodge but if it’s blue then you have to counter. It seems like a good system to begin with but not when enemies simultaneously launch both types of attack at poor Tyris. You can reflect magic projectiles back at their casters too but good luck with that when you’re desperately trying to hack your way out of a mob of enemies. Wouldn’t it have been easier to be able to evade or counter any attacks? Not being able to roll out of the way of an attack because it glows a different colour doesn’t even make any sense.

The ability to ride atop various beasts in battle also attempts to add another method of dealing with enemies to Tyris’ repertoire of attacks but this feature ultimately proves to be a hindrance rather than a help. Nightmarishly sluggish, incredibly proficient at getting killed and about as a nimble as the QE2, these giants are best off ignored when possible though many sections of the game require the player to use beasts to break open gates or activate certain switches. Fortunately, it’s just as easy to dismount an enemy from their ride as it is for Tyris to be knocked off of hers but that’s a small condolence for an otherwise poorly-implemented gameplay element that ironically undermines the game’s subtitle.

"Urghh...this game smells worse than one of our turds"

General level progression is also an excruciatingly dull experience. Beast Rider is painfully linear with a set path always before the player and invisible barriers roping off any areas outside of this specified route. Not being able to simply walk behind a boulder despite there clearly being space to do so is something that should have died out long ago in videogames. There’s also far too many ‘puzzles’ that consist of pushing switches or lighting beacons with Tyris’ fire magic in order to open doors and remove hazards. The latter can be especially irksome since running out of magic power in some areas of the game can lead to heavy back-tracking to find any leftover power-ups. It’s badly thought out and highly frustrating.

It’s a hard game too with masses of enemies regularly overwhelming the player. To make matters worse, there are no mid-stage checkpoints and there’s a cruel continue system that’s as useful as a torn condom. Basically, Tyris can collect dragon statues which act as extra lives but these are incredibly rare and your supply doesn’t get topped up between levels. This means that once you’ve depleted your stock, every level thereafter must be completed without dying a single time or else you go all the way back to the start of said level. You can find more statues of course but only a select few levels offer them. This is a real problem when it’s so easy to get knocked off a cliff or thrown down a chasm several times in succession, depleting your stock of statues in minutes. You can argue that this is how games used to be but nobody now or in days gone by would want to slog their way through these tedious levels and repetitive battles over and over to return to where they were.

This magic attack is the best for getting out of tight spots. Or cooking Sunday lunch.

You can’t even rope in a friend to share the misery as there’s no multiplayer whatsoever. That’s right, a Golden Axe game with no co-op gameplay. This was one of the main features in the original arcade game (and any beat ‘em up for that matter) and since Beast Rider is Golden Axe in name only, it’s probably fitting that the final, strongest link to the series’ roots is brutally severed. What a wasted opportunity for a slight spot of redemption.

Stuttering frame-rates, frequent glitches (such as enemies freezing solid) and long loading times between levels provide the icing for this disappointing and noticeably stale cake. It would still be unfair to brand Beast Rider as the worst action game out there however but on the other hand it’s also difficult to recommend over much else. This is a game that harks back to the horrible re-imaginings of Sega games on last generation consoles such as the Playstation 2 Altered Beast reboot and it’s disappointing to see that lessons haven’t been learnt. Bland, frustrating and redundant, this beast should roar but all that emerges is a pitiful whimper.

+ Acceptable graphics and nice art/design work.

- Choppy and glitchy.

- No multiplayer.

- Repetitive and often frustrating gameplay.

- Beasts are rubbish.

Overall Score: 1.3/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "Well, I never expected this to be much good after reading various reviews and impressions but even though I only paid £5 for a brand-new copy, I was still massively disappointed. There's probably a semi-decent game buried somewhere but if there is, it's buried deep. The conceptual and promotional artwork for the game is fantastic though, so tracking downa copy of the elusive artbook is something I want to do".

Movie Review: Tekken

2011-07-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

Warning: Darkstalker90's movie reviews can and do contain plot spoilers. Read on at your own risk!

I desperately wanted this to be good, to be the much needed antidote to the awful game-to-movie adaptations that have crushed our hopes time and time again for countless years. Sadly – as I should really have expected – this live-action Tekken movie is yet another disaster that only succeeds in making a mockery of the source material whilst also failing to impress non-gamers. It’s actually worse than the live-action Dead or Alive movie. Oh yes.

It’s hard to grasp just how film producers keep creating these travesties. Surely the core audience for a movie such as Tekken is the fans of the games - the people who are instantly going to recognise the name – so why ignore the already-established plot for a half-assed futuristic setting populated with embarrassingly bad renditions of everybody’s favourite characters? Why not even attempt to show a few classic Tekken moves in the fight scenes? Very few people outside of Tekken fans and gamers in general are even going to care about this so you’d expect a big attempt at authenticity to get these people (and their cash) onside.

Raven Vs Eddy! To be fair, they got the 'look' right here.

To be fair, Tekken does manage to get a few things right. Jin has his iconic flame pants for starters and there is a loose parallel to the feuding between Jin, Kazuya and Heihachi in the games. Some characters do somewhat resemble their polygon-constructed counterparts (Bryan Fury and Raven probably being most notable) too but their screen time is extremely minimal. At least they got a booby blonde dressed in purple for Nina (played by the delectable Candice Hillebrand – Google her, thank me later) and other hotties to play the girls but no amount of big willy-inducing fitties can completely atone for this movie’s failings.

Cheap, tacky outfit but I doubt anybody cares.

Why are the Williams sisters – cold assassins in the games – apparently Kazuya’s willing sex bitches? Why are the Jacks not robots? Why does Jin actually kill Yoshimitsu with his own sword? I could go on and on but I’m sure the picture is clear enough now.

Hideous source inaccuracy aside, how does the fighting itself fare? Well, it’s not bad just nothing standout. Had it been in a different movie – a decent movie – then it could possibly get away with being what it is but in Tekken, it needs to be more exciting and filled with moves and fighting styles taken right out of the games. This is possibly one of the sorer points as Tekken is a FIGHTING game so if the on-screen fisticuffs had been more impressive then some of the other faults might have seemed more trivial. Might.

Apparently this is Kazuya.

In summary, Tekken joins Dead or Alive and Street Fighter The Movie in a shared hall of shame built especially for big screen conversions of popular fighting games that utterly miss the point. Perhaps one day, somebody will realise that a good adaptation needs only to follow an existing plot, have the characters really look the part and feature plenty of moves from the games. It’s nothing overly demanding but so far, nobody seems to be able to nail the live action format. Tekken fans should just wait for the upcoming CGI animated movie from Namco themselves.

DVD Extras
Nothing much. Mainly the cast talking for a few minutes apiece about their character. Pointless when most of them have hardly any screen time of note.

+ Some characters look the part...

- ...but most might as well be classed as cameos.

- Dull plot that barely stays true to the games.

- Fighting could have been much better.

- Nothing here for non-gamers either.

Overall Score: 1/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "See the DVD cover art at the top of this review? That's what got my hopes (foolishly) up. The logo is almost spot on, the colour scheme looks like a Tekken game cover and that does resemble Jin right? Well, I was taken for a mug because this film sucks. I immediately sold the DVD on ebay. Good riddance".

Unreleased Games 1 (Scans from Official Nintendo Magazine)

2011-07-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, I used to be a regular buyer of the re-launched (and currently still going) Official Nintendo Magazine. This was around the time of the DS Lite being about to launch when the system was still in relative infancy. Also at this time, the Wii was still called the ‘Revolution’ and the mag would be reporting any rumours, tech specs and news on upcoming games. I eventually stopped buying ONM and sold my collection due to a waning interest in the blatant bias found in official publications as well as a growing tendency to disagree with many reviews.

That’s all another story though. The point is that this was a fascinating time for news on games and accessories that were cancelled or never even released so with that in mind, I made sure to scan anything of interest to preserve the information.

So here’s what I have. I’m not 100% sure that everything here wasn’t released for definite and I apologize for the crappy quality of some scans. Click for bigger versions to zoom in and read the text on the pages.

DS TV Tuner:

An accessory that slotted into the DS game card slot and allowed TV access. Similar to the Blaze TV tuner for the GBA I suppose. As far as I know, this design never saw a release which is a shame as it looks fairly compact. This page shows a concept illustration for the device with some annotations.

Developer Diary 1:
A page featuring information and concept sketches relating to upcoming games for the (then codenamed) Revolution. The developer behind them was Crossbeam Studios and though they allude to several games being in development, none were ever released or even shown in the form of trailers. As far as I know of course.

Sadness:
Ah, one of the most infamous pieces of vapourware to ever be associated with the Wii. Sadness looked to be a dark action adventure with an intriguing graphical style. Plenty of concept art was shown and developer Nibris continually promised that something was coming but surprise, surprise, nothing playable ever materialized.

Developer Diary 2:
Another update from Crossbeam Studios on an upcoming action game for the Revolution called Thorn. This one comes with some concept art of a rather pissed-off looking woman with big boobs and big swords. Definitely a game in that somewhere but again, nothing beyond this concept art ever saw the light of day.

Project H.A.M.M.E.R:
This one was actually playable in demo form at the E3 prior to the Wii’s launch. It looked like a generic smash ‘em up but Project H.A.M.M.E.R also looked pretty fun and would have certainly been a decent launch title for the radical new console. Unfortunately, the game was eventually confirmed as cancelled by Nintendo. We can only hope that whatever exists of this game will eventually get leaked in playable form.

DK Bongo Blast:
The game that eventually became Donkey Kong Jet on the Wii. This scan previews the original incarnation titled Donkey Kong Bongo Blast which would have been a late Gamecube release. Like several other twilight Gamecube games, DKBB development was switched over to the Wii at the last minute. The result was an extremely mediocre and mostly forgotten racer with tacked-on Wii remote controls. A shame really as the Gamecube prototype was compatible with the quirky bongo peripherals and would have been a much more enjoyable little racer as a result.

Raid Over the River:
Another Nibris title and another no-show. This one was a shooter for the DS and looked quite cool too.

Call for Heroes: Pompilic Wars:
There are three games on this page but it’s Call of Heroes: Pompolic Wars which is the focus for this feature. Known to be a fairly crappy PC action RPG but a Wii conversion was being worked on at some point. Nothing was ever released however which - given the really negative scores the PC version received - might have been a blessing in disguise.

Max Factory Mai Shiranui Statue

2011-07-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a sucker for high quality figurines of game characters. Predictably, it's the nerdy/pervy (delete as applicable or feel free to leave both intact - I would) examples that attract my attention so I had my sights set on this lovely statue of SNK's Mai Shiranui for quite some time before I recently managed to get hold of one at a decent price. Experts Max Factory are behind this highly accurate and impressive recreation of the busty ninja's Capcom VS SNK 2 character artwork (see left).

The statue stands at roughly 30cm in height and is easily the best one I have seen of Mai so at least I shouldn't be tempted to waste any money on another! Anyway, as always, I'll supply the pics and let you judge for yourselves...

(Apologies for the crap pics, I'm certainly no photographer!)

Sonic the Hedgehog - No way back?

2011-07-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This isn't intended as a doom-mongering article. I actually like Sonic and you can bet I'll be buying Sonic Generations as soon as it comes out. I just decided that the whole "Sonic is crap and has been since the Mega Drive days" train of thought needed a proper look at.

Now I know what you’re thinking: isn’t the internet already bulging at the seams with articles, forum rants and game reviews that cite Sega’s mascot to be eternally circling a dirty toilet pan? Well here comes another one albeit a constructive (he says) one with some (hopefully) different angles on the subject. I mean, everybody seems keen to write the blue hedgehog off as doomed road kill and to damn Sega to hell for ruining a 16-bit hero but how many of us really look at Sonic’s decline rationally?

I first gave it some real thought when I saw the initial trailer for Sonic Generations, a new PS3/Xbox 360 title that features both ‘classic’ Sonic (the fresh-faced, slightly more rotund star of the Mega Drive outings) and ‘modern’ Sonic (the green-eyed, edgier hedgehog with a chequered decade-and-a-bit of games under his belt) side-by-side in a game that looks to blend classic 2D gameplay with more recent 3D into-the-screen action. Now don’t get me wrong; Sonic Colours on the Wii and DS was a brilliant return to the exciting gameplay of old and Generations looks like its shaping up to be even better but can any new Sonic game really stand next to the latest Mario platformer as an equal anymore?

Where it all began...and where it was all destined to end?

To explain better, let me cast your minds back to the big battle of the 16-bit console era where the Mega Drive slugged it out against the Super Nintendo. Sega and Nintendo both supported their flagship consoles with 2D Sonic and Mario platformers respectively. There was a notable gulf of difference between the two – Sonic being about speed and set pieces while Mario was more about precision platforming and inventive power-ups – but high praise and a sense of equality was bestowed upon both company’s efforts.

No! Go away! And take your non-hedgehog friends with you!

Fast forward to the 32-bit era and Super Mario 64 revolutionises the three dimensional platformer – becoming an instant classic in the process – while Sonic proves a no-show on Sega’s Saturn console (excluding spin-offs, ports and compilations). The next ‘main’ Sonic game would be Sonic Adventure on the Dreamcast and while widely considered a good game, it comes nowhere near comparing to SM64 in the same way that the Mega Drive trilogy stacked up against the Super Mario World games. This pattern continued with Super Mario Sunshine on the Gamecube and the two Galaxy games for Wii following Super Mario 64 into the hall of fame while Sega churned out Sonic Heroes, Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), Sonic and the Secret Rings, Sonic and the Black Knight and Sonic Unleashed – games that were either slightly above average at best or enormous turds that sent fans into a seething rage of resentment.

Shoddy design, unnecessary gimmicks (that detracted rather than added to the Sonic experience), too many new characters and the absence of simply being able to run at speed through exciting, well-designed levels were all contributing factors to these games failing to make Sonic relevant once more. Sonic Colours succeeded by ditching some of the baggage and the upcoming Generations looks set to continue that positive trend but consider this: even if Sonic Generations played like a dream, was more visually appealing than a naked Brooklyn Decker lathered in chocolate ice cream and also dispensed with everything both irritating and unnecessary from Sonic’s 3D history, would you still be able to compare it to Super Mario Galaxy 2? Probably not.

Sonic Colours for the Wii: arguably the best 'modern' Sonic game and a sign that hope might not be lost.

So where did the rot set in? We all think we know what went wrong but perhaps the answer lies back in the 16-bit era. Mario simply jumped his way through levels while Sonic’s ‘thing’ was running fast, the very draw that won gamers over and possibly also doomed the character from its very genesis. You see, Mario had a world of possibility open to him that Nintendo has so far explored admirably yet Sonic was always going to be constrained by his need for speed. Slow Sonic down and he might as well be any generic platform character so he has to keep running. Ultimately, there’s only so much you can do with a character that is expected to run at crazy speeds rather than explore intricately designed levels or stand around chatting to NPC’s.

Sega could keep Sonic in 2D to try and retain that early 90’s glory but in the modern age of videogames, that means a downloadable game (Sonic 4) or a handheld title, neither of which can really take the battle to Nintendo’s celebrated plumber. That brings us back to full-blown 3D releases which – as we’ve already established – are extremely constricted affairs. That’s not to say that a genuinely impressive 3D Sonic game is impossible but there’s undoubtedly less scope for the experimentation and creativity that Mario’s adventures bask in.

Sonic Generations is looking very impressive indeed. Fingers crossed Sega don't drop the ball at the last minute.

In summary, I should say that I know all platformers don't need to stack up to the latest Mario game to be deemed decent and if this article went too much in that direction then I apologise because that's not where it was going. I just find it interesting that both characters provided equal benchmarks in gameplay back in the 16bit era but Sonic - for quite some time now - has been unable to replicate that. Perhaps Sega could have taken the battle a little closer to Nintendo and Mario if they’d stuck with a jack-of-all-trades like Alex Kidd? Maybe Sonic’s speed was never going to impress outside of pushing a 16-bit console’s capabilities? What do you think? Is Sega entirely to blame or had their original blueprints for Sonic sealed his fate right from the beginning? Am I just talking out of my arse? I leave the verdict entirely to you…

Konami Flyer of Justice

2011-06-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Remember the days when there would be a colourful product catalogue tucked away behind the manual in a new game? I loved flicking through them and more recently, it has been pretty cool to find such flyers/leaflets in old Playstation and Playstation 2 games. Why? Because there are always games advertised that I haven't heard of or never hear mentioned on forums and the like. It's a perfect way to discover new games and to top it off, some of these catalogues actually look nice too.

Inspired by a recent post on the Retro Gamer magazine forums, I decided to do some scans of an early PS2 Konami product catalogue that I always found to be pretty cool. Konami make some great stuff and this flyer looks pretty artistic to boot. You just don't get these sort of things anymore (except for Nintendo's rather plain and boring Wii product catalogues) so I thought it would be nice to upload the scans here for people to see.

The cover...nothing much to say here really!

Metal Gear Solid 2. Some lovely art for this one.

Zone of the Enders. More lovely art. I own this game but haven't even played it yet...for shame!

Silent Hill 2. Another Konami masterpiece and some more great art.

Shadow of Memories. Yep, you guessed it, I own this and haven't played it yet either!

7 Blades. This is quite a good hack and slash game that not many people seem to have heard of.

Ephemeral Fantasia. I know nothing about this one but it does look like the sort of thing I'd be interested in. One for me to look out for...

Ring of Red. I know nothing about this one. Cool art though.

Silent Scope.

Gradius III & IV. Really need to get around to picking these up.

ESPN National Hockey Night and ESPN Winter X-Games...yep, the tail end of the booklet is where the less exciting stuff can be found!

Another sports spread for the final two pages. ESPN International Track and Field, ISS and ESPN NBA 2Night.

So there you have it. Hopefully this has proved useful/enjoyable to someone. If I come across any other interesting product catalogues like this one, you can be sure that it'll be up on here for everybody to see before long. Surely the excitement is just too much? No? Oh...

Doing the right thing

2011-03-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

Nope, I haven't put together anything gaming-related yet. I'm actually just making a quick post to talk about something serious for a change, namely the Japanese tsunami disaster.

The terrible events that have taken place on the other side of the world really made me realise how lucky some of us are. A lot of us can bury our heads in the sand and simply turn the news reports off or just ignore them while we get back to getting fat/filling up our toilets/gorging on entertainment. Here in England for example, we don't suffer earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes and we don't share our island with active volcanoes, poisonous insects or killer animals. We have it very safe and it seems the majority of us take that for granted. How many of you were a part of text message or email jokes about Japan within days of the disaster for example? I'm not trying to attack anybody with that, just trying to illustrate my point.

At the end of the day, we're all neighbours regardless of whether we live next door or millions of miles of apart so we should look out for one another. That's why I decided to make a donation to the British Red Cross appeal (more info on what the money pays for and how to donate is on their website which I'll link to at the bottom of this post) because making a small donation that might save lives is the least we can do to pitch in and help. If we were suddenly hit by a freak disaster tommorow or next week, we would want people to help us so it's only right to do the same.

British Red Cross Japan tsunami appeal:
http://www.redcross.org.uk/Donate-Now/Make-a-single-donation/Japan-Tsunami-Appeal

Writing hiatus

2011-02-19T10:51:00.000-08:00

As anybody who enjoys writing about stuff knows, you sometimes hit a block. Nothing you scribble down feels right, the energy/will is A.W.O.L or or you just don't have the time. I've currently contracted a bit of all three so for the time being, updates are looking unlikely. Apologies to anybody who checks my blog out; your views and comments are much appreciated and I'll try to get back into cooking up reviews and features again soon

Review: Alien Resurrection (Playstation/PS1)

2011-01-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

Year Released: 2000
Format Reviewed: Playstation/PS1
Also For: N/A
Developer: Argonaut
Publisher: Fox Interactive
Related Games: Alien Trilogy (Playstation, Saturn, PC), Aliens Vs Predator (Xbox 360, Playstation 3, PC).

In a world where movie tie-in games seem destined to be shoddy, cynical money-makers and nothing more, the irony of Alien Resurrection being based on the worst film in the popular sci-fi horror series but being one of the best videogames in the Alien franchise is really something indeed. Alien Resurrection at the cinemas managed to disappoint on so many levels and yet the Playstation adaptation exceeds expectations. It’s more than irony: it’s sweet irony.

Resurrection (like Alien Trilogy) is a first person shooter but this isn’t a game that’s all about non-stop shooting and explosions, this is a game built around fear that makes the most of the first person perspective to instil a sense of dread and unease in the player. Distant screams echoing through the spacecraft’s corridors, mutilated bodies to keep you company and – of course – the aliens themselves all help create an atmosphere of terror that all the guns in the world can’t protect the player from.

A handgun against that alien probably isn't the best choice.

And it’s hard – harder than a diamond sandwich in fact. You see, whereas other FPS games allow the player to absorb countless bullets before they go down, a few swipes of an alien’s claws can be enough to spell the end. Even on the easiest difficult setting, Alien Resurrection proves to be a desperate fight for survival and you soon learn to heed the warning of the foreboding silence and be super-careful on your journey round the infested spacecraft.

This difficulty works for and against the game; on one hand the ferocity and potency of the aliens’ attacks perfectly replicates how easy it was to die in the movies regardless of how many flamethrowers, shotguns and pulse rifles the characters were packing but the challenge can also turn into frustration. Some of the harder sections of the game for example can seem impossible to pass unless you extensively memorise where each alien is going to appear from so you can kill it quicker, effectively shunning reflexes in favour of a huge memory test.

Sometimes though, even healthy grey matter is not enough. You see, Resurrection likes to throw the odd curveball, prime examples being aliens spawning where they hadn’t previously and as many as ten of the ugly killers storming through a closed door one after the other when there had been just one the last time around. You won’t be expecting it at all, especially when these surprise attacks happen from behind. In space, no-one can hear you scream. Or shit your pants.

Of course, there’s the possibility that these scares could just be random glitches in an otherwise impressive game. The graphics are some of the best seen on the Playstation for example and – with the help of some effective lighting – really help to produce a believable and scary environment. Audio is equally solid with some authentic-sounding effects punctuating the silence of the stricken spacecraft. In short, Alien Resurrection gets a lot out of Sony’s machine and there’s very little for your eyes and ears to grumble about.

Wide open space + dead body = bad news. Best be careful.

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the game’s controls. The PC FPS crowd will probably be feeling mighty smug to hear of the twitchy and hard-to-control aiming that Playstation gamers are stuck with when using the Dualshock controller. It’s not impossible to control but it is awkward to begin with and feels noticeably different to aiming in other shooters. Sticking with it however pays off in the end which is just as well since the optional mouse controls don’t exactly offer a superior experience. The Playstation mouse peripheral does make aiming easier but it needs to be used in conjunction with the controller to move about which is an unwieldy experience to say the least.

And you’ll want comfortable controls because Resurrection is a pretty meaty game with plenty of hours in it. The plot is loosely based on that of the movie but pans out quite differently, allowing the player to ‘be’ Ripley, Call and others at different points in the game. The key moments are still correct and present including some underwater action and the battle with the Newborn but Argonaut have wisely decided to put together an experience that doesn’t stick rigidly to the movie’s template and become too linear as a result.

Alien Resurrection is a pleasant surprise; if seeing the movie was enough to make you steer clear of the game like you would dog mess on the pavement then that’s understandable but this really is a brilliant shooter that makes up for the big screen blunder. Technically impressive and eager to scare, this is a game that perfectly captures what the Alien franchise is all about. It can feel unforgiving at times and there are some minor control niggles but these shouldn’t mar what is otherwise a perfect example of a good movie tie-in.

+ Something good comes out of the Alien Resurrection name.

+ Genuinely scary and atmospheric.

+ Looks brilliant.

- Controls can take some getting used to.

- Very hard in places.

Overall Score: 4/5

Darkstalker90 Says: "I was genuinely surprised by how playable Alien Resurrection is. The film was a massive let-down so it's good to see that something positive came out of it's existence. The tense atmosphere and sudden scares remind me of Doom 3 which I count as a very good thing indeed".